Consuming Desires of a Prince
by MimiBlue
Summary: Xander's unrequited love/lust has consumed him for many years and he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore. Rated M for future chapters. Will switch off between Xander and Kamui's POV
1. Chapter 1

Hello all! This is my first fanfiction in well over 3 years, so pardon if it's extremely rusty. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy! Keep in mind, I don't have a beta reader for this story yet, so if you read it and like it, drop a comment if you're interested in beta reading future chapters! Prompts are also welcome, as while I have a semi clear idea for how this story is going to go, it isn't entirely mapped out yet, so some prompts could definetely help my creative juices flow (lol)

Chapter 1-Vivid Recollections

He sat on the other side of the large ballroom, his eyes glued on her. It was her 'Suitor Picking Ceremony', something he had constantly put off and delayed for years due to his never ending desire for her. Yet of course she was sitting here enjoying her ceremony without a care in the world. The thought that he sat here, the only one in this room who has loved her, lusted after her, and desired her for nearly his entire life, yet she was completely oblivious to it all left him frustrated. His anger heightened when he realized where all those prospective suitors were staring, nearly all of their eyes glued on her full chest, none of them taking the time to look at her face directly. All of them were most likely having extremely perverse thoughts. It disgusted him, but it wasn't like he was any different.

The dress she was wearing for the occasion made her look simply gorgeous, more so than she already was. He remembered the way Camilla gleefully picked out clothes for her, proclaiming constantly that 'No man will be able to take their eyes off you in this, Kamui!'

Well, Camilla was painfully right, unfortunately. The ballgown was a light teal, one that complemented her stunning red eyes nicely. It was strapless, and fit her body extremely well. He could tell she was aware of it too, as she was constantly adjusting her dress wearing a resident pink blush on her cheeks. It was adorable but it infuriated him how all these other disgusting boys got to see that sweet expression on her face.

He wanted her to belong to him fully, and the fact that all these inferior boys got to see an expression on her face that he wanted to only belong to him upset him to no end.

He absentmindedly realized he was clenching his fists and exhaled, relaxing his hands. He had to get his mind off this. These past few years had been absolute torture for him.

When did it all start? When did he start realizing that his feelings for her were far past the ones normal siblings harbor for one another? He suspected it went as far as back as their very first meeting.

He remembered it well. They had all been very young at the time. Garon had gathered them all in the hall for some 'special occasion.' And then he saw her. She was trembling, and was clutching a servant girl's hand with such fear in her eyes that he was afraid she might pass out right then and there. He remembered his initial impression of her was that she was cute, very cute in fact, but at that time only the desire to protect her and bring her happiness was his motivation. He chuckled to himself, thinking how pathetically innocent that sounded now.

He recalled their times together when they were young. The two were practically inseparable, her running gleefully to him, excited to show him whatever new thing she had learned, or just spend time with him in general. And he was the model princely big brother in return, holding her hand, protecting her, hugging her when she was scared. He thought his actions were perfectly normal for siblings, but not even months after they had met, he had begun to feel things for her. It confused him, because he was quite unknowledgeable in any and all information regarding love at the time,and mistook his feelings as familial.

Yet as years passed, he realized his desire to kiss her and hold her, and when he asked himself if he was willing to do those same things to, say, Camilla, he felt disgusted. But if it was Kamui, he wanted it. He wanted it badly. It wasn't until he was in his late teens until he fully come to terms with his feelings and had realized how badly her wanted her. Her beautiful eyes. Her pale skin. The way she would blush and glance away when he complimented her before returning his gaze with a soft smile. Her tiny body but decidedly large breasts. Gods, he wanted it all.

But the feelings he harbored made him feel guilty beyond belief.

She thought of him as her big brother, she always had and always will. If she were to find out about his constant fantasies, and (as he grew older) the many times he had pathetically pleasured himself to thoughts of her, he was positive she would be horrified. It was for that reason that he refused to give her any hints of his lustful desires whatsoever.

She would never return them. So, she would never need to know.

He closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of the chair. The ceremony was probably about halfway over. He needed to relax. For once in his life, he needed to stop thinking about her.

Yet as his eyes closed, the memory of the only time he had seen her naked flashed in his eyes. It was about 5 years ago. He had gone to her room to ask her something urgently, though even to this day he couldn't even remember what it was he meant to ask. Without knocking, he had violently flung open the door before seeing her, butt naked, near the bathroom. She had just stepped out of the shower as her hair was quite wet, and he could smell the pleasant scent of her shampoo even from halfway across the room. And Gods… her body. He so badly wanted to just pin her to the wall and have her right then and there. But of course that wasn't an option. So like an idiot, he just stood there staring at her absolutely dumbfounded. Their cheeks were both so god damn red, but his feet were stuck on the floor and his eyes were stuck on her, his gaze ravaging her without even the need for words.

She was shy, incredibly so, and had done nothing the entire time but gasp slightly and stand there in shock before weakly trying to cover up herself. She probably thought his barging in was an accident, which it was, but he would be lying if he said that he did not like what he was seeing. He had no idea how long he had stood there before he had hastily mumbled out an apology and had backed away, rushing out of the room to the nearest bathroom where he then proceeded to pleasure himself, with the pathetic knowledge that he knew what she looked like naked.

It was sad, he knew that well. Even back then, he had told himself that he had to stop feeling the way he did. So, he attempted to move on in the worst way possible. During the next 2 years, he had slept with a wild multitude of women. He was a handsome prince, so finding women willing to sleep with him was no challenge at all. But, he had shamelessly projected Kamui onto every single women he slept with. If he closed his eyes, those breasts he was touching were Kamui's, the lips he were kissing were Kamui's, the body he was making love to was Kamui. It had gotten so bad that he had accidentally moaned out Kamui's name when he was with another women. Needless to say, it had took many months of persuasion and bribery to convince the girl to not say a word to anyone else. And after that, he had stopped seeing anyone else. That was 3 years ago. Since then, he hasn't slept with a single person.

And in those past 3 years, the fantasies of her had grown even more constant. Nearly every night she would be in his dreams, torturing him endlessly. It had all eventually caused him to talk to her less and less. He didn't trust himself. If he were to talk to her regularly, he wasn't sure how he would be able to restrain himself. In fact, now that he had thought about it, it had probably been some weeks since they had a real conversation. They weren't hostile or cold to one another, but all they would really do now was just exchange a brief 'hello' or smile while passing each other in hallways, but that was about it.

It was probably for the best. Distancing himself from her was honestly the best thing he could hope to do in this situation. He was in his late 20's, she was nearly 20. He really had to stop.

He began to chuckle to himself. How many times had he told himself that? And how many times did anything change?

He was pathetic.

Opening his eyes, he realized the ceremony was over. She hadn't picked any of the suitors, much to his surprise, yet she was given a few days to think it over. Exhaling, he left the hall and made his way to his room. It had been a long day. He would deal with whatever suitor she chose later. For now, all he wanted to do was sleep. And sleep, he did.

Well there you go! Hope you all enjoyed! Sorry for nothing really happening in this chapter, it mainly serves to set up my portrayal of Xander for this fic. Next chapter will be really similar except it'll be from Kamui's POV. Stuff won't really start happening until Chapter 3, but I feel like these chapters are necessary in order to set up the characters so, sorry?  
Anyways, PLEASE leave a comment so I can know what you guys think! Thanks!

Note: I'm crossposting this on my AO3 acc!


	2. Chapter 2

Aaaaand here's chapter 2!

Just to keep in mind, I'm still looking for a beta reader for future chapters of this story, so if you're interested please drop a comment!

And if you enjoyed this chapter, please tell me what you thought in the comments! I love hearing what you guys have to say about this story!

Prompts are always welcome as well! :)

Chapter 2- Desperate Reminiscence

She flopped on her bed, exhausted. That damn ceremony had gone on far longer than she had expected. She had tried her best to keep a ladylike front throughout the entire thing, but in reality she wanted to be in her room, curled up in a ball the entire time. None of the suitors were particularly bad, but not one of them had caught her eye in any way either. Why, oh why, did she say yes to this stupid ceremony? She was only given a few days before she would be forced to pick one of them, and honestly she could barely remember any of their names, much less who to pick.

Camilla and Xander had both put theirs off, she should have done the same.

No.

She had argued with herself many times regarding this. She couldn't afford to go back to her old feelings again. She said yes to the ceremony in order for her to move on. Move on from the feelings that had plagued her nearly her entire life.

"Xander…" She sighed.

Xander. Her brother. Yet he was the man she had been in love with for her entire life.

It was only recently that she found out that they were not related by blood (something her entire family had refused to tell her, despite them knowing all along) so she figured she should feel relieved. Yet she didn't. In fact, it only caused her to resent herself and her pitiful feelings even more.

Her entire life, she had idolized Xander. He was her knight in shining armour. He was the one who had first talked to her when she was still that small timid little girl in the main hall. He was the one who made her feel comfortable while she was alone, isolated in that giant castle. Day after day, they would spend hours together. And each day, he was the only one capable of putting a genuine smile on her face.

She loved her other siblings of course. But Xander… his smile, the way he would say her name, his sternness but earnestness. She couldn't comprehend her feelings when she was still that young, but now looking back… She realized that it all made her fall for him so much harder.

She would have constant daydreams, of her as his bride, them walking down the aisle hand in hand. He would smile at her, twirl her around before placing the lightest kiss on her cheek. It was thoughts like those which kept her company (when Xander wasn't there) while she was bored and alone, stuck in her room in the Nohrian fortress.

But.. Xander was her brother. Therefore, he couldn't be her prince.

And whenever she thought of that, her dreams came crashing down in an instant. It was a painful process.

So when she found out that Xander wasn't her brother, that her whole family wasn't actually her family, she should've been relieved beyond belief. But, instead of bringing her relief, it just brought her more guilt and anxiety.

At this point, she had absolutely no idea what his feelings were towards her.

She wasn't an idiot. She remembered that one night, where he had barged into her room, unintentionally seeing her naked. She remembered how flustered he was, and how she had no idea what the hell she was supposed to do. Yet she also remembered the way he had looked at her, his eyes full of a lustful darkness she had never seen before. She wanted to say something, perhaps yell at him to get out. But at the same time, a darker,hidden part of her wanted to offer her full body to him and wanted him to passionately, and roughly kiss her.

She had shamelessly liked the way he looked at her. Loved it, in fact. But she felt nothing but guilt upon admitting that to herself.

Nevertheless, the way he had looked at her that night had stuck with her for years. She was unable to get it out of her mind, it popping up constantly whenever she would try to convince herself to move on.

But, on the other hand… she knew about his past with women. It had been one of the worst nights of her life. She had approached his room late at night, wanting to get his opinion on a ball gown that she had recently purchased for an upcoming ceremony at the castle.

She was about to knock on the door when she heard it. At first, all she heard was some low breathing, which almost caused her to think he was ill, breathing in pain.

Ah, how naive she was.

Because then she heard a woman's voice. No, not a voice, for this woman was not merely speaking. She was loudly moaning, panting out his name with such urgency and passion, Kamui thought she would've fainted right then and there.

Her body had frozen, her skin turned pale, and she could almost feel her heart shatter into a million pieces.

She fled, rushed to her room, and wept. She didn't know why exactly she was so heartbroken, he was a handsome man, it was to be expected that he would be sexually active with women.

But why… why did her heart ache so much?

She didn't know what came over her then, because that night also ended up being the first and last time she had touched herself to thoughts of him. She didn't know if it was out of heartache, or desperation, but she couldn't seem to stop her hand from sneaking down to her lower regions before she tentatively began to touch herself.

She had felt nothing but shame as she did it, yet she couldn't deny the pleasure that she felt.

But what she did next was something she could never forgive herself for. Out of pure desperation and a miserable wretchedness, while her body was still aroused and her brain not in the right state of mind, she had rushed to his chambers once more, this time listening in closely to hear that the women had fortunately left.

Timidly knocking, she remembered the way his face had shown genuine shock when he saw her. She couldn't imagine how awful she must've looked; tears obstructing her vision, her skin red and her breathing heavy. He probably thought she was sick, and to a certain extent she was… just not in the way that he thought.

She had mumbled some lie about a bad dream and had insisted to spend the night in his bed. An action like this was quite bold and uncommon for someone as reserved as her, yet she couldn't stop herself. She was desperate.

He had reluctantly agreed, but took great care to lie as far away as possible from her on his bed.

She would have none of that though. She managed to pull down her nightgown far enough so that her breasts were almost fully exposed, and she curled up against his back.

This. This was the physical contact she needed, she had craved for ages.

She so desperately wanted him to turn around, him to see her body, him to kiss her, make love to HER, and not whatever woman who was there not even hours ago.

Yet, she knew that this would never, and could never happen.

Despite her internal pleading, Xander didn't go so far as to even turn around and look at her.

And why would he? He thought of her as nothing more than a sweet little sister. That's the way it always had been and it's the way it always would be.

That following morning, she awoke to see that he was gone.

She was alone in his bed without even the smallest word from him. It was then that she realized what an idiot she had been.

She felt embarrassed beyond belief. He was probably disgusted, horrified, appalled with the inappropriate behavior his 'darling sister' had just displayed.

It was from then on that she decided that she had to move on. She couldn't continue like this.

She vowed to herself to distance herself from him, to stop thinking about him as much as humanly possible. She then spent the past 2 years meeting new people, forming new relationships, burying her feelings for her brother deep within her heart. She had to come to terms with the idea that he was probably happy with many other women. She had to find someone to make her happy now.

When the time had rolled around for her to decide whether she wanted to go through with the suitor ceremony, she had agreed without a second thought.

It was the perfect opportunity for her to find someone new, completely rid her mind of that mortifying night, and all the inappropriate thoughts she had regarding her brother.

She thought she was ready to meet someone new, but sure enough, the ceremony couldn't have been more uninteresting.

Unwillingly, images of Xander flashed through her mind once again.

"Little Princess…"

She cursed into her pillow and got up hastily.

Enough of this. She was going to take a walk in the palace gardens. That was sure to clear her mind.

It had not even been 10 minutes before she heard an unfamiliar voice call out her name.

"Lady Kamui!"

She turned, puzzled. Ah. It was one of the suitors from the ceremony. Laslow…yes. That was his name. The incorrigible flirt and one that also happened to be Xander's retainer. Definitely not someone she wanted to see right now. Nevertheless, she forced a smile.

"Hello Laslow. What brings you out here so late?"

"Nothing in particular, my lady. I just saw you out here walking all by your lonesome, and I just knew I had to accompany you! A lady should never be out alone while it's dark, after all."

He winked.

Suddenly, her smile became a lot more strained.

"Ah, well… I suppose I should be grateful for your presence then." She remarked.

Laslow chuckled.

"I see my lady never ceases to amuse. In fact, I was meaning to ask you. What did you think of today's ceremony?' He offered her a shy smile.

Ugh. That goddamn ceremony was the absolute last thing she wanted to talk about right now.

"It was… nice." She grimaced.

"Oh, I'm glad to hear that!" He exclaimed. "You seemed a bit..off during the whole thing, so I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong!"

She glanced away from the sky (where she had been looking the entire time) over to him. He actually did look genuinely relieved. She couldn't help but feel a bit bad.

The two made their way to the balcony, where they continued to chat for nearly half an hour. Nothing was wrong with Laslow, she supposed, just… he wasn't Xander.

No. Those weren't the thoughts she should be thinking. Those kinds of thoughts were ones that just regressed her back to how she was.

This was her chance. She was with a man who was clearly interested in her. She could very easily move on right here and now. It would take nothing more than the slightest word towards the flustered Laslow before her feelings for Xander were a mere thing of the past.

But… she didn't want to do that. Not in the slightest.

Gods, why the hell was she so weak?!

Laslow must've noticed her dozing off, so he cautiously asked;

"My lady? Is everything ok? You seem a little… out of it…"

He drew closer and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. The unwelcome touch brought her back into reality instantly.

"Ah, no. It's nothing Laslow. I'm fine, just a bit tired." She mumbled, avoiding his eyes.

"Not to worry my lady! The festivities at today's ceremony would be sure to tire out anyone!"

There was a brief silence before he spoke again.

"How about I walk you back to your room tonight? You seem like you need the company."

She didn't want him to, not in the slightest. Yet she couldn't build up the courage to say no so all she did was give a tired nod and a smile.

The retainer's face lit up and he planted a brief kiss on her cheek.

She flinched involuntarily but said nothing and allowed his hands to touch hers as he guided her out of the balcony.

"Ah… speaking of which…" Laslow begun, his voice sounding suddenly very nervous.

"Have you decided on anyone to be your… your… prospective suitor? I'm sorry if this is a bit forward of me, but I...I really am quite fond of you my lady, and I-"

A loud thud near them cut him off.

Alarmed, the two turned before they saw him.

Xander… Xander had fainted on the floor.

Ehehhe how's that for a cliffhanger? All will be explained in the next chapter I promise ;)

I wanted to keep this chapter strictly another set up chapter, but I couldn't help myself and managed to work a bit of plot in at the end, so I hope you all enjoy that!

My interpretation of Kamui is a bit different than most, as I kind of self inserted some aspects of myself into her, but I hope it doesn't turn you off too much from the story!

Also, dialogue isn't my strong suit so apologies if the dialogue between Laslow and Kamui at the end seemed a bit... forced? If you have any suggestions or critiques, I'd love to hear them! :D

As always, please leave a comment saying what you think, I'd really appreciate it! Thanks again everyone and see you for Chapter 3!


	3. Chapter 3

Aaand here's Chapter 3! :D Hope you all enjoy and sorry for the wait!  
Please leave a comment telling me what you guys thought, I love reading your guys comments lol

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Chapter 3- Interrupted

His eyes groggily opened, taking a moment to take in his surroundings before suddenly realizing where he was.

He was in Kamui's room. In her bed. Alone.

He saw her sitting on the corner of the bed, watching him anxiously.

That was it. He must be dreaming. There was no way that he had just happened to end up in Kamui's bed, not even mentioning the fact that she seemed to be even doting on him.

Unless…

He shut his eyes again, the memories of the previous night rushing back to him in an instant. Right. After unsuccessfully attempting to fall asleep for several hours, he had decided to go on a walk late at night with the aim to clear his mind.

He remembered how he had heard voices from the balcony as he walked. He had instantly recognized his retainer's familiar voice, almost chuckling to himself at the knowledge that Laslow was off chasing another woman who was sure to reject him.

But then… was that Kamui's voice he heard? No. It couldn't be. The fact that they were meeting so late… right after the suitor ceremony… instantly millions of thoughts flooded his mind.

Is he confessing to her? Well, of course he is, Laslow confesses to any woman he sees.

So she had to say no. She had to reject him like every other woman on the planet who's never been fooled by Laslow's nonsense.

Kamui was smart. She wouldn't fall for Laslow's immaturity.

But… why were they both out here? Together? Alone, at this hour?

Had she invited him? Had he invited her? His Kamui was too good for a happy go lucky fool like Laslow, as kind as he may be.

He supposed he shouldn't jump to conclusions before at least hearing what they were saying.

"Ah… speaking of which…" That was Laslow's voice.

"Have you decided on anyone to be your… your… prospective suitor? I'm sorry if this is a bit forward of me, but I...I really am quite fond of you, my lady, and I-"

That was all he needed to hear before he started to feel nauseous. He honestly didn't even know why he felt so ill, but just hearing those words sent him into a state of panic.

It was stupid, he knew that Kamui was likely going to refuse politely anyways, yet just hearing someone say those words to HIS Kamui made him feel sick.

Before he knew what had hit him, his vision went black and he had collapsed onto the floor.

And now that he thought about it, he realized that, excluding tonight, he had not slept for several days. He supposed that definitely had something to do with it as well.

But… it didn't explain what he was doing in her room, and in her bed. Hence the reason he thought he was dreaming. If this was reality, no doubt Laslow would've been there, glued to his side. Knowing him, he would have also enlisted the aid of several doctors and nurses just to make sure Xander was alright. That was just how devoted Laslow was.

Yet Laslow was absolutely nowhere to be seen. Nor were any medics.

It was just him and Kamui. Alone.

Yeah, there was no way this wasn't a dream. He turned his head to look at her more closely. She wasn't facing him anymore, instead she was now fiddling with some wet cloths and towels, one of which was carefully placed on his head.

Even with stress etched into her expression, she still managed to look adorable. She had taken off the outer layer of her ballgown, leaving her in a sheer thin underlayer which pronounced her curves delightfully well. He swallowed and brought his gaze up to her face once more. Her hair was now in a messy bun and her makeup mostly gone, save for some stray traces of mascara smudging her eyes. Yet she still looked absolutely desirable in every way. It was the first time he had gotten a chance to look at her in such detail in quite a while, so he relished it, taking her beauty all in greedily.

He hadn't even realized how long he'd been staring at her until she suddenly turned back to look at him, only to discover he was now awake.

"Xander?!" She exclaimed, nearly dropping the rag that was in her hand. Relief visibly washed over her face and she smiled at him. She was so cute. So damn cute.

"Thank the Gods you're alright!" She sighed. "I was out..on a walk…"

Of course she failed to mention Laslow. Yet he wasn't sure exactly why.

"And we-I saw you passed out on the floor! W- I had no idea what happened to you… You had me terribly worried." She pouted.

Damn it, why did she have to be so cute? He wanted nothing more than to get up and kiss her tenderly, his own way of reassuring her that he was fine. He wanted her to lie on this bed with him. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her face and neck softly. He wanted her to remove that tight dress so he could see her bare body in all its glory. He wanted to hear her moan out his name passionately, in rapid succession, before she gloriously came for him and-

But he couldn't do that of course. So words would have to suffice for now.

He sat up. "I'm fine, Little Princess. I had just felt a bit ...under the weather."

She was quiet. He noticed her hands were anxiously tracing patterns on her leg. What reason did she have to be nervous? If anything, it was him who should be.

"Are you sure?" She asked, her brow furrowed. "I mean, I-I've never seen you like tha-"

"I said I'm fine. You needn't worry about me." He cut her off.

He needed to go. He didn't trust himself to not just lean forward and press his lips to hers right then and there with all the pent up passion he had tried to subdue for years.

But how could he not? Her sitting there in that tight dress, watching him nervously, the heart wrenching way her eyes softened when they met his.

"O-ok. If you're certain…" Her sweet voice cut him off from his perverse thoughts once more.

"At least let me put a fresh towel on your forehead…" She trailed off and leaned forward, reaching for the wet cloth that had slid down near his temple.

She was hovering directly over him now. She was close. Too close. The scent of her shampoo mixed with her own delicious scent wafted upwards, throwing his stomach into even greater turmoil.

He had to leave. Now.  
But before he knew what had happened, he realized that he had grabbed her wrist, stopping her from pulling back. They froze.

Shit.

Why did he just do that?

She looked back at him with wide eyes. A blush began to spread on her cheeks but she made no attempt to break her wrist free.

His brain was screaming at him, telling him to let go, to apologize, to just get himself out of this situation. But he didn't want to. Instead, he did something even worse.

Without thinking, he pulled her forward, his hand moving to cup her cheek, so that their faces were just mere inches apart.

"X-Xander?!" She squeaked. Her eyes skittered back and forth, refusing to make eye contact.

He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to so bad. He had wanted to for god knows how many years, and now, he supposed, was his only chance to. He had already come so far, all he would have to do would just slowly inch his head forward, and…

The door suddenly burst open.

"XANDER!?"

It was Elise.

Kamui instantly recoiled backwards, her face still a beet red. He supposed his face was a similar color.

Elise (thankfully) seemed oblivious.

"Oh thank the gods you're alright! Laslow told me you had fainted!"  
"I-" He had to struggle to choke his words out. "I'm fine now, Elise. But thank you for your concern, as always."

"Are you sure? Because your face is… pretty red…"  
He didn't think it was possible, but he felt his cheeks heat up even more.

"I-I said I'm fine, Elise!"

"Meh… You're no fun, Xander." Elise frowned at him.

"Kamui, are you sure he's ok?" She turned to face Kamui.

He didn't dare look at her.

"Y-yeah. He's fine. He has no fever or anything so…" Her voice still sounded so flustered.  
"Alright. Well, Xander, I still think both of you are lying, so you're coming with me to the doctor!"

She took hold of his shoulder and started pulling him towards the door.

"W-what?! No, Elise, I said I was fine!" He half-heartedly protested, before allowing himself to be dragged away.

He would face Kamui later.

* * *

Her thoughts were in shambles.

What had just happened?  
Had he tried to kiss her? Was that what had really just happened? If Elise hadn't come in, what would they have been doing now? Was it possible that he felt an inkling of the same feelings towards her as she had towards him?

No…

It couldn't be.

Her legs felt weak. Her heart was still beating erratically. Her skin was a deep red. She was a complete and utter mess.

Thankfully he had left, otherwise she would have no idea what state she would've been in.

Maybe he was still ill? Fatigued, or possibly sleep deprived. But that wouldn't explain what caused him to grab her like that.

Her stomach began to ache at the notion of seeing him again. What would she do? She didn't think she could ever make regular eye contact with him now, much less talk to him.

Ugh. She didn't want to think about that. She instead wanted to keep thinking about what had just happened.

She had wanted him to kiss her. She didn't want to admit it, but she probably would've leaned forward to kiss him herself had Elise not barged in. The way he had looked at her, the way she felt his breath on her face, the feeling of his hands on her skin, it all had felt so right. The feelings she had buried deep within her for years had come dangerously close to re-emerging all at once.

Though, if she had kissed him first, how would he have reacted?  
The thought sent pleasurable chills down her spine.

No. These were bad thoughts. She shouldn't be thinking about him.  
As much as she wanted him to, she knew he wouldn't, no- couldn't confess to her. He knew the problems it would bring to not just them, but their entire kingdom. And he likely didn't want to put either of them through all of that. Especially since she had to pick a suitor now for that godforsaken marriage.

Why? Why did he have to do that now of all times, when she was already forced to pick someone else?!

She hated him.  
She probably could've moved on with time if he hadn't done that.

Ok, no, she probably wouldn't, but still!

She shut her eyes and rolled over on her bed. She didn't want to think about it anymore. She hated him, hated her, hated this stupid situation they were in, hated everything.

"..Damn it."


	4. Chapter 4

SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! I was busy with college apps and stuff, and that mentally drained me for a bit lol. Hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope you consider it worth the wait! As always, suggestions for prompts are welcome at any time! :D

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Chapter 4- Hesitation

-A few days later-

The past few days Xander had seen neither hide nor hair of Kamui. While it frustrated him, he supposed it was to be expected. Laslow and Kamui had become damn near inseparable in the span of just a few short days.

Though she had extended the deadline before she had to choose a suitor, he was almost completely sure that she was going to choose Laslow as her husband.

He gritted his teeth.

Nothing was wrong with Laslow… and he supposed he could be a satisfactory husband, but… Laslow's feelings for Kamui were so juvenile, so shallow, so elementary, that it upset Xander immensely.

Laslow saw Kamui as a pretty face and nothing more. In fact, that was how Laslow saw nearly every single woman in existence. Xander was certain that he saw Kamui no differently. And his Kamui deserved someone far better.

Someone like… him. Imagine the Crown Prince of Nohr paired with the Princess! It would be the perfect couple, one that would have the capabilities of bringing the entire nation to prosperity! But no, that obviously wasn't a possibility.

He would have to put up with Laslow for now.

And to make matters worse, the past few days he had been forced to listen to Laslow constantly rave about how amazing Kamui was, and it was starting to really wear away at Xander's nerves. Hearing him call his Kamui 'beautiful' and 'amazing' nearly daily had been driving him to the brink of madness.

He exhaled and wiped his forehead. Suddenly, he heard loud footsteps coming from behind, approaching him. He turned to see Laslow running towards him, out of breath. From the sickeningly sweet smile and the way his cheeks were a dark red, Xander had a fairly clear idea of what his retainer wanted to speak with him about.

"Xander!" He exclaimed, breathlessly.

Xander grimaced. "Hello, Laslow." His voice sounded incredibly strained, even more so than usual.

Laslow didn't say anything, and instead awkwardly paced the ground, his eyes downcast.

Xander forced himself to chuckle lightly. "What is it Laslow? I don't know what you want if you don't say anything."

"Well, actually… I have something important I wish to speak with you about." Laslow stiffened and made eye contact with him, his face surprisingly serious. Xander internally cursed. This couldn't be good.

"You can talk to me anytime, Laslow. No need to be so serious."

"Well… it's about Kamui."  
Of course. Of course it was. There was simply nothing else for Laslow to talk about, was there?

Xander found that he was glaring subconsciously at him. He fixed it instantly but he saw the way Laslow's expression changed, though only for a second.

"Well, the deadline for her to pick a suitor is coming up soon and I… I was thinking of proposing to her beforehand."  
There was a silence before Laslow shakily continued.

"I-I mean, I know I've told you before, but I really really love Kamui and it would be amazing to get married to her but I'm not sure what she feels towards the other suitors, so I'd like to just propose now so I wouldn't have to worry about that but... I don't know if you'll be ok with that. I mean, I can't exactly ask King Garon, and since you're her older brother, I assumed you'd be the next best thing but-"

"Why?" Xander harshly cut off his rambling. What he was hearing made him feel, quite frankly, disgusted. Laslow barely knew Kamui, yet he was now claiming he loved her? He couldn't care less if it was any other girl, but this… this was Kamui. His Kamui. He was not letting the woman he'd been in love with for years be swept away by some kid who had nothing more than a silly crush for her.

"Pardon?"

Xander finally gave in and let his frustration show.  
"What makes you think you can marry her? You've loved her for a few mere days and now you want to be her husband?! I know you're like this with many women, but Kamui isn't some other woman you can just woo like that! Kamui is…Kamui is…"

He stopped himself from going any further. He shouldn't have done that. If Laslow was to say something, if others were to find out about his feelings, it would be all over.

Xander averted his eyes and turned around, stubbornly staring out on the balcony they were standing on.

"My lord…?" Laslow interjected meekly.

He shook his head.

"Never mind. It's nothing. Do… do what you want."

"Are you sure?"

No reply.

"My lord, are you sure you're-"  
"I'm sure, Laslow!"

"Alright… If you're certain…"

He heard Laslow's shaky footsteps slowly back up and fade away before finally exhaling and bringing a hand to his forehead.

He hated this.

Something was wrong with Laslow.

He had been unusually dejected ever since his talk with Xander. She had tried to approach Laslow and ask him about it, but he would just shrug her off and avoid the question.

She didn't know exactly what to do about it. It was oddly disheartening to see Laslow so down, but she didn't know if confronting Xander was her best option.

She hadn't seen him since that one incident some days ago. While she supposed it was probably for the best, in the time she had spent with Laslow, she had done nothing but constantly fantasize and daydream about how it would be to spend time with Xander instead.

Yet she had almost grown fond of Laslow in her own way, as his inescapable optimism was oddly charming. But then she remembered what had happened with Xander not even a week ago and her heart ached.

She wanted to see him again. And if going to ask about Laslow was the only unsuspicious way for her to do so, then so be it.

She suddenly got up, visibly startling Laslow, who was sitting near her.

"I'm going to ask Xander about this." She said firmly, ignoring Laslow's confused protests.

She stood in front of his door, hesitant.

Her heart was racing, faster than she could ever remember it beating. Why was he having this effect on her now of all times? All she was going to do was ask about Laslow.

Yes.

That was all.

But the memory of his hands grasping her cheek, pulling her closer, feeling his heavy breath on her face, absolutely refused to leave her mind.

She could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks as she slowly knocked on the door, holding her breath in hushed anticipation.

There was a brief silence before the door slowly swung open.  
She noted with satisfaction the slight blush that appeared on his cheeks when he saw her, as well as the way his eyes refused to meet hers.

"X-Xander…" She was surprised to hear how much her voice shook, how her legs trembled, how she felt her face heat up. Damn it, she had to snap out of this.

She had Laslow. She was probably going to marry him. She had to accept that. But why did she come here? Was it really to ask about Laslow? Did she honestly really care about Laslow? She really didn't, did she?

"Kamui." He said. She cautiously raised her gaze to his stern yet weary eyes.

"Xander… um…" She trailed off. How was she supposed to word this?  
"Did something happen… between you and Laslow?"

There. She said it. She had started to feel relieved with herself only to be stopped when she saw the way his expression soured at the mere mention of Laslow's name.

Embarrassment instantly flooded her.

"Ah… never mind, it's nothing…" She muttered before attempting to turn around and run far, far away.

"Kamui, wait." She suddenly felt his hands on her wrist as he pulled her into his room before hastily closing the door.

Her heart leaped momentarily only to be crushed when she saw his expression.

His eyes were slightly red, he looked extremely tired, and he looked as if he hadn't brushed his hair in days. Not to mention how incredibly strained his voice sounded.

"What did… what exactly did Laslow say?" He wasn't looking at her again.

She clumsily made her way to a nearby chair before responding.

"Nothing really… I asked multiple times but he wouldn't really tell me much.."  
He didn't say anything. The tension in the room was absolutely killing her.

"A-Are you sure everything's ok, Xander?"

Silence one more.

What was she supposed to do? His back was facing her.

An idea struck her. She knew she shouldn't do it. She knew what would probably happen if she did it. She knew that it would harm them in the long run.

But she… she wanted it so badly. She wanted it more than she could ever even hope to comprehend.

She slowly got up and made her way to his side. She placed a small hand on his shoulder, drawing dangerously close, ignoring how loud her heart was beating.

"Xander. I don't know… I don't know what you're going through right now, and I know it's probably very painful. But I just want you to know that you… if you ever need anyone, you always have me."

It was silent once more before Xander finally spoke.

"Kamui."

"I need to tell you something."

He drew away from her, stepping back in order to face her. He looked so conflicted. So, so conflicted.

She almost wanted to make the first move. To just say screw it and reach forward and passionately press her lips onto his.

"Kamui, I. The truth is… I…" He was looking directly at her now.

"I…" He trailed off again.

Her heart thudded in anticipation. He had to say it, he _had_ to.  
Just say it.

"It's…

Never mind. It's nothing." He finally said in a very low voice, lowering his gaze once more.

Her face fell.

"A-are you sure?"  
"Yes. I'm sorry Kamui, it's just I have many things on my mind right now, I wasn't exactly thinking straight…"

"Oh, ok… Just…." She didn't even know what to say. "...Come to me if you need anything…"  
"I will, Little Princess. And... about Laslow, there's nothing for you to worry about. Trust me."

No.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.  
Why? After all this?!

Was he really going to back out? Like that?

Yet she didn't let her disappointment show.

Getting up, she turned around and made her way back to the door.

She couldn't bring herself to say another word, and instead she left his room, waiting until she was a fair distance from his room before letting the tears flow.


	5. Chapter 5

And here's the next chapter! It's the longest one yet, so I hope you guys enjoy :)  
Please drop a comment, reading all the things you guys have to say about my story is really motivating.  
Another huge thank you to my beta reader on AO3, Vtizzle27 !

* * *

Chapter 5- Decisions

Several Years Earlier…

It had been one of those days. Kamui was alone in the Northern Fortress once more. There had been some sort of disturbance in the main hall, though due to Kamui's isolation, she wasn't exactly sure what had happened.

The young girl sighed as she gazed out the small lone window, the only one to be found in her dark chamber. Wistfully, she began to stare at the dark night sky, her mind racing.

She missed Xander. It had been quite a few days since he had last came to see her, and while she knew that he was probably very busy, it didn't stop her from wanting to see him desperately. She wasn't exactly sure herself, but she was starting to feel… things for her brother.

She knew she loved him, but recently, whenever he would come by to visit her, comfort her, make her smile, she would feel her heart ache in a way she had never previously experienced. She would often think about how it would feel to tell him she loved him as lovers do, and for him to easily accept and reciprocate those feelings. She would fantasize about embracing him, holding him, maybe even kissing him.

It confused her, especially since she was still young, and whenever she tried to think about it, it did nothing but make her head hurt. And when he was gone for long stretches of time, (such as now) she would sometimes have to force herself to think of something other than him.

But it was wrong. Xander was her brother, related by blood. Though Kamui knew little of matters regarding love and marriage, she at least knew that a romantic relationship between siblings was unquestionably wrong.

Yet…

The door loudly burst open, instantly snapping Kamui out of her thoughts. She turned, only to see Xander. Yet something looked off about him. His expression was painfully strained, his breathing heavy, and he seemed… angry. She had seen him angry like this in the past, but never to this extent.

"Xander…" She breathed, looking him directly in the eye.

The room was quiet (save for Xander's loud breathing) as they gazed into each other's eyes wordlessly.

The next few moments were a confusing blur, as one moment they were staring at each other across the room, yet now he had lunged forward and had now pinned himself directly on top of her.

Her stomach lurched violently, suddenly realizing how dangerously close his face was to hers. But his expression… he looked pained. Seeing his face so up close, she could even make out the faintest traces of traces of tears welling up in the bottom of his eyes.

Yet he had still not spoken a single word.

She found herself unable to say anything but repeat his name once more.

"Xander…" She murmured once more, this time bringing a shaky hand up to cup his cheek. At the sudden contact, she heard his voice break and his breathing grew ragged. His gaze still not leaving hers, he brought his own hand up and tenderly placed it over hers.

"Kamui…" He finally uttered, a strange rawness to his voice she had never heard before.

There was a brief silence before he grabbed her, pulling her forwards so that she was now sitting in his lap. His arms then wrapped around her desperately, holding her to his chest so tightly that she felt she'd be crushed. He rested his head in between her shoulder and neck, exhaling a few long breaths before seeming to finally compose himself.

Kamui, finally able to speak, gently placed her hands on him, before asking,  
"Xander… what's wrong?"

"It's Father…" He murmured, still speaking into her neck, his grip on her not loosening.

"Father? What about him?" She responded, confused.

Honestly, she rarely saw her father. He had never come visit her in her fortress, and the few times she had seen him were when the whole family was summoned to the Main Hall for very rare occasions. But from the few times she had saw him, she could easily say that he wasn't a very friendly man.

"He…" Xander continued, finally sitting up so that they were facing each other.

"I haven't told you much because I don't want to worry you, but…"

He paused to pull her closer to him once more, so that she was now snuggled against his chest.  
"The reason I've been gone for long stretches of time recently is because Father's had me go on these missions. At first I didn't care much, since all we would really be doing was just inspecting various areas, but recently… he's had us kill people. Not just Hoshidans, but innocent Nohrian civilians."

"Nohrian civilians? But why?" Kamui exclaimed, horrified.  
Xander shook his head grimly.

"He claimed they were 'conspiring against the royal family.'"

"And were they?"

"No. Not at all. Leo looked into it, and it was obvious that they were completely innocent."

She was silent, taking the information in. Well this all explained it then. The reason Xander's seemed so distant recently.

It hurt her to see him like this. She didn't want him to suffer any more, but there was only so much she could do as a captive of the castle.

It was then she was struck with the realization that she was in love with him. Those strange feelings she had been experiencing the past few years were undeniably love. Not the familial love she had fooled herself into thinking it was, but a much deeper, romantic, emotional love.

She loved him. She loved him so much.

"I didn't want to do it, no one did, but I can't go against Father. And on top of that, Father's been acting really… strange recently. I don't know how to describe it, but-"

Xander was abruptly cut off by Kamui suddenly leaning up to press a finger to his lips, before shyly and chastely kissing his cheek.

"Shhh…" She then whispered, reaching up to wrap her arms around his shoulders, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Don't say anymore." She murmured, ignoring her rising pulse and the heat racing to her cheeks.

He was silent for a moment, before reaching to gently stroke Kamui's hair.

"I'm sorry for coming in here so suddenly, especially when it's so late."

She was about to speak when he cut her off forcefully.

"I just… I needed to see you."

At those words, she felt her heart skip a beat. Her entire face turned a deep red.

She pulled away from his shoulder, leaning back to face him. She suddenly found it very difficult to maintain eye contact, especially considering the way he was intensely looking at her.

"Xander, I-" She begun, unsure of what she was even going to say.

"Never mind. It's ok." He got to his feet, helping her up as well. "I… I feel a lot better now."  
"A-are you sure?" She asked, cautiously.

"Yes. Thank you, Kamui." He was silent once more before unexpectedly pulling her into another deep embrace.  
She was silent, reveling in the comforting feel of his arms around her.

He bent down to plant a brief kiss on the top of her head before quickly pulling away and exiting her chambers without another word, leaving Kamui there alone.

And as he left, only one thought continuously circulated in her thoughts;

She loved him.

* * *

Kamui awoke with a start. Why did she dream of that, out of all things? She brought a hand to her forehead, tiredly rubbing it.

She remembered that night well. The night she realized she was hopelessly in love with Xander. She smiled ruefully to herself as she remembered those happier days. The days when it was just him and her. When the only thing she could afford to think of was him.

Despite the pain of being isolated, Kamui found herself missing those days.  
Maybe it was a sign.

Because just yesterday, she had finally internally made up her mind to marry Laslow. She knew a relationship with Xander in her circumstances would bring about nothing but eventual heartbreak. Besides, Laslow wasn't so bad. She had even attempted to flirt with him yesterday, much to his surprise.

And today she had planned on facing Laslow, telling him she accepted his proposal and that she was willing to become his eventual bride.

It had all seemed so simple last night while she was planning it out in her head. It would be easy! All she would have to do was just go up to Laslow, and…

And…

Ugh. She really couldn't do it, could she?  
Alright. She would just wait until he proposed to her again (which was bound to happen) and she would accept then.

Yes. That would work.

But would it?

Groaning, she dragged herself out of bed, and begun to get dressed.

She didn't want to see Xander today. She didn't want to be reminded of her dream, and especially not what had just happened a few days ago.

She sighed, resigned.

Today was not going to be a good day.

* * *

Xander sat at his desk, rubbing his eyes absentmindedly. He had gotten virtually no sleep the past few days, and was unbearably exhausted.

Yet not sleeping was the only way for him to get his mind off Kamui. By burying himself in his work and his training, it left him very little room to fantasize about Kamui, which he supposed was a good thing. Especially considering what was going on between her and Laslow. And what had happened the last time he spoke to her.

He cursed under his breath, feeling embarrassment flood to his cheeks. That was probably the most mortifying moment of his life. He still couldn't believe himself.

What was he thinking, nearly confessing to her like that, when she was probably going to marry another man? Never mind the fact that they were alone together in his dimly lit room, and that she looked as desirable as ever, that was no excuse for him to slip up like that.

There was a knock on the door. Xander quickly composed himself.

"Enter."

Xander raised his eyebrows. It was Leo. He looked oddly serious.

"Leo? What brings yo-"

"She's marrying Laslow." Leo sharply cut him off.

Xander's mouth opened and closed soundlessly as he tried to process what Leo had just told him. How did Leo know? What would make Leo come to his room telling him this as soon as possible? Was it possible that Leo knew about his feelings? And if Leo knew, did everyone know?

He felt his stomach drop. Not just because of the possibility that Leo knew about his feelings, but at realizing the weight of what Leo had just told him.

That was it then.

She was really going to marry him. He tried not to let his panic show, as he realized Leo was still intensely staring at him. Xander tried to feign innocence.

"W-who is?"

Leo cocked an eyebrow.

"You know who."

Xander swallowed.

"Well, that's good for her then! I'll have to give them both my congratulations sometimes." He said, his eyes downcast.

Leo sighed, annoyed.  
"Don't play dumb with me, Xander."

Xander sighed, giving up. It was pointless to try this against Leo. He instead beckoned Leo closer, motioning for him to close the door.

"Who-who else knows?" He hissed.

Leo smirked.

"Don't worry. Though your feelings for her are painfully obvious to me, I doubt anyone else has noticed."

Xander nodded in relief, allowing himself to lean back in his chair a little bit.

"I was there when it happened." Leo went on. "Laslow proposed to her once more today, though I think he may have even been partially joking this time, but to everyone's surprise she accepted. She didn't seem very happy about it though. Laslow was ecstatic however, as you can imagine."

Leo shrugged.

"I just thought I'd tell you first to save you the pain of hearing one of them break the news to you."

Xander felt his head spin and he placed a hand to his forehead to steady himself.

"Are you sure you're ok with this, Xander? You're really willing to let her go like this?"

"...I have no other choice, Leo. If I confess to her now, it's too late. And there's really nothing else I can do."

Leo sighed audibly.

"It's not as if they're married yet, Xander. He's your retainer. You could easily cancel the marriage if you wanted to."  
"But-"

"Besides, there's one other thing I should probably tell you."

"What?"  
Leo was silent.

"...What is it?" Xander groaned.

"Kamui told me not to tell you."

Xander sighed in frustration. "Then why did you bother telling me?"

"Because I think you should know." He said bluntly.

Xander stared at him, waiting.

"Xander, she…" Leo uncomfortably cleared his throat before continuing. "All I'll say is that… she feels something similar to you as what you feel towards her."

Xander stared at him dumbfounded, not believing what he was hearing.

"What… what do you mean?"

Leo glared at him.

"Exactly what you think I mean. And I'm not going to say anymore. She's already going to murder me when she finds out I told you this much."

Xander still found himself unable to formulate a proper response.

She… she reciprocated his feelings? But if that was true, why the hell would she marry Laslow? And why had she never said anything all these years?

Leo, seeing the dumbstruck expression on Xander's face, huffed in annoyance.

"Look, if you really want to know, go ask her yourself. I just...I had to do something to help you two after watching this go on for so many years."

"I...Thank you, Leo." Xander finally said.

Leo gave his brother a brief smile before quietly exiting the office.

Xander sat frozen at his desk for god knew how long. His thoughts were in absolute chaos. What was he supposed to do now? Now that he knew that she reciprocated his feelings, even if only slightly, he couldn't just allow her to marry Laslow without saying anything.

A question Leo had asked him kept replaying in his head:

" _Are you really willing to let her go like this?"_

And no matter how he looked at it, the answer was a resounding no.

He had to talk to her.

He needed to get to the bottom of this.

Heart racing, he leapt out of his desk, ignoring the unfinished paperwork lying haphazardly on his desk, and made his way straight for Kamui's room.

* * *

Heheehe sorry for that giant cliffhanger, I just didn't want to make the chapter any longer than it already was. Next chapter will probably be the one you all have been waiting for. :D  
I do have to say though; this story may go on hiatus soon, due to my school starting in less than a week. I've been trying to write as much as I can before school starts because writing this story is just so fun, but once school starts (especially since I'll be a senior in HS) I doubt I'll find the time for anything but homework.  
I'll try and upload the next chapter before school starts because I don't want to leave all of you guys hanging like this, but I can't really guarantee anything.  
That said, I hope you still continue to read and enjoy this story :)  
And please leave a comment telling me what you think!  
Thanks, and see you in the next chapter~


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